It takes a village…. To live together!
As I reflect on the elections this past fall and their corresponding changes occurring in our government offices, my mind is awhirl with the tragedy following a gunman's rampage at a public gathering recently. There is much talk show discussion, blaming, finger pointing and rhetoric – but most of all there is reaction and hurt. "This is a time to think and pause and perhaps not say what we feel," is what the radio moderator just said in a discussion regarding the words bandied about as reactions to what others are saying after the shootings in Tucson AZ. What is our place in this – yours and mine?? How do we individually deal with this and then take it to our wider communities? What do we even call this? In my mind, this is conflict – and despite the many folks who say they have no conflict in their lives, I see it everywhere!! We are all different, and we have differing perspectives, needs, wants and concerns. We are unique individuals each with our own perspective, and we operate in many circles ranging from our families to neighborhoods, offices, organizations, communities, countries and the planet earth. There is plenty to rage against and to work with. It is so easy to rail against others, but as my mother always told me, when I point at the other guy, three fingers point back at me! What is my responsibility when there is conflict in my life?
I turn to my library where my eye is caught by two books by P.M. Forni: "Choosing Civility" and "The Civility Solution". Actually, I love their respective subtitles: "The 25 Rules of Considerate Conduct" and "What to Do When People Are Rude," as they really give the books' focus. Both of these books are not about what the other guy does, but how we react. The question that must then be asked is "Do we live in a vacuum?" How do others see us react – and then follow suit or how do we follow what others do? What do we model to our families? And most importantly - what are children learning about how to treat others?
Someone once said that character is how you act when no-one is watching. And how are we acting when others are watching reflects our current culture. We have to live together – there is no room to live apart. And despite my occasional dream of being a hermit and knitting away my troubles, I need others to provide the things to sustain me: food, shelter, warmth, conversation, clothes, yarn, you name it. The trick is to figure out how to live together and not kill each other, whether verbally, virtually or physically! I truly hope that Civility will take hold as the buzz word of the year – the word that reminds us all to slow down and think, to not react, and to not take things personally. We each need to take the responsibility to model this for others as we react to the actions of others, whether it's the driver who just shot us a digital signal or the verbiage on the airwaves. Taking a deep breath and remembering that we are not perfect is a part of the process we want others to see, and model as we try not to judge.
Forni reminds us to not take things personally, but to also be gently assertive as appropriate for situations so that we can get across that how we treat each other matters a great deal! In fact, if we must be in the village, then we are accountable for how we live with each other! So – realize that yes, you do have conflict in your life. And now realize that how you deal with it is what you pass along to those around you. What is your village like? Peace~~Linya
